Cry Babies Go Home!
by LornaCat
Summary: Edie takes Juanita Solis to "Extreme Outdoor Boot Camp" so she can learn to love herself through hard work and exercise. Also starring Yaniv, the boot camp instructor from episode 5.14, for anyone else that thought Edie/Yaniv would have been kinda cute.


_Rated T for mild language, mild innuendo and some brutal honesty. :D _

_Summary: Edie takes Juanita Solis to boot camp so she can learn to love herself through hard work and exercise. Also starring Yaniv, the boot camp instructor from episode 5.14!_

* * *

**Cry Babies Go Home!**

* * *

**BABY FAT**

Juanita was eight years old now, and she hadn't lost any of her baby fat. In Carlos' eyes, she would always be his little baby, and he didn't mind if she was a little overweight. Of course, in the end, it was what Mommy thought that would matter. Carlos knew that Juanita compared herself to Gabrielle. It was hard for people not to. Juanita was almost as tall as Gabrielle now, and three times as wide.

Carlos shared his concerns about his daughter's self image with his friend Edie. If there was one woman that had absolutely no issues with her self image, it was that blonde bombshell. She wasn't really able to relate on a personal level, since she considered her body to be flawless, but she knew that a perfect body was not the key to happiness - it was her confidence. Edie understood, from the stories Carlos was telling her, that Juanita had lost her confidence, and she needed it back before she became an angry young girl that resented her skinny mother.

"I think I know what to do." said Edie. The glint in her eye and the coy smile that graced her lips told Carlos she had a plan.

* * *

The following day, Edie approached the instructor of her Extreme Boot Camp work out group: Yaniv, former member of the Israeli Defense Guard and the _only _man that could tell Edie what to do.

Yaniv looked Edie up and down as she crossed the soccer field, nodding approvingly.

"Ready for class as always, Edie. Thank you for respecting our process."

"Thanks for kicking my ass." Edie replied. Yaniv smiled, a rare sight that only happened before class was in session. Usually, at this point in the conversation, Edie would take her place in the formation with the other ladies, but today Edie lingered.

"Is there something I can help you with?" asked Yaniv. "Other than stretching, of course."

Edie smiled, almost letting it slip how much she enjoyed being partnered with her gorgeous, toned, domineering instructor.

"I have a question." said Edie. "I was wondering if you'd be interested in creating a boot camp...for children."

One of Yaniv's eyebrows furrowed as the other went up.

"Hm. Baby boot camp. I'd never thought of that before."

"You see, I have this friend. You remember Gabrielle?"

Yaniv's expression went dark. He did indeed. Gabrielle had quit the boot camp after she'd gotten her metabolism back under control. She was back to eating a carrot for lunch and doing yoga for dessert, so she'd decided she didn't need Yaniv or his boot camp anymore.

"It was a shame to lose her." he said.

"Yeah, anyway, her husband _Carlos _is concerned about their daughter's self esteem."

"Is she overweight for her age?"

"She's a blimp. A feisty, stubborn, eight-year-old blimp. And I feel like we might be her only hope."

"Hmmm." said Yaniv. His other brow furrowed and he stared beyond Edie as he contemplated. His head turned back to look at her, decision made. "Why don't you bring her to the next class. That way she can see how hard my students work, and I can see how much work I'll have ahead of me."

Edie smiled, pleased. Yaniv smiled back, pleased to have pleased his best client. Edie turned on her heel and walked away to join the other girls. Her hips moved side to side, and she could feel his eyes checking out her rear as she went.

Maybe soon he'd allow her to please him back.

* * *

**EXERCISE?**

Yaniv was doing lunges, warming up for the day's workout, when he saw Edie step out of the driver's seat of her shiny new convertible. She had on her regulation boot camp t-shirt and cap, though she wore a tiny pair of camouflage hotpants that highlighted one of her best...assets. The passenger door started to open as if by itself. Yaniv squinted, the sun reflecting off of Edie's car. She washed it often.

Out stepped Juanita Solis, in loose-fit yoga pants and a large t-shirt that hung off her belly. When Edie'd arrived at her house in her workout clothes, Carlos had put on a very happy face and told her that Edie was going to take her to the park today...

*

_"Why?" Juanita whined. "I don't want to go to the park."_

_"Edie wants you to meet her friend..." said Carlos. He glanced up at Edie, asking with his eyes for her to take over._

_"His name is Yaniv." Edie jumped in. "He's the one that keeps me in such good shape."_

_At this, Juanita narrowed her eyes at the adults. _

_"Exercise?" she said slowly._

_Edie crouched before her little friend, a very serious expression on her face._

_"Juanita. What Yaniv gives you is not just an exercise routine. He shows you how to stop being a whiny little baby so you can find the strength and determination I know is inside of you. So you can be _better_." _

_Juanita looked frightened by Edie's intensity. She looked up at her father, who chuckled._

_"Now," Edie continued. She stood, her tone lightening. "You are already pret-ty fabulous. But if you come with me to see Yaniv today, I promise you will be on the road to an even more fabulous existence."_

_"Come on, it'll be fun." said Carlos._

_"If I go," said Juanita. "Can we get ice cream after?" _

_"I'll get you a toffuti cutie." Edie offered._

What's a fuhtooti cutie?_ thought Juanita. It didn't really matter; Juanita really did just want to hang out with Edie. After Gabrielle, Juanita thought Edie had the nicest hair and the coolest fashion. She'd even named her white Barbie after Edie._

_"That sounds nice." said Juanita. She smiled up at Edie, and Carlos felt a sense of relief._

_* _

Yaniv smiled as they approached, though it was a curt, controlled smile. He didn't want to alienate Juanita before she agreed to join, but he had to keep up appearances for the rest of his students.

"Edie." he said, nodding. "And who is this?" he said, looking down at Juanita.

"Juanita Solis." the not-so-little girl said. "I'm with her." she added, pointing with her thumb at Edie.

"Nice to meet you, Juanita. Did you come to watch our class today?"

"Yeah, I guess." Juanita mumbled. She looked at the other women, all wearing the same t-shirt and cap as Edie. Yet they were all different shapes and sizes. They weren't all in spectacular shape like Edie, in fact some of them could even be classified as a bit pudgy.

"Well, class is about to start." said Edie. "Why don't you stand to the side and watch the workout?"

Juanita watched them begin. The women were already in formation, looking straight ahead with expressions that ran the gamut between determined and petrified. Yaniv blew a whistle, and everyone started running in place.

"YOU ARE NOT WOMEN." Yaniv shouted. "YOU ARE SOLDIERS! LAZINESS IS YOUR ENEMY, AND I AM SHOWING YOU HOW TO KILL IT!"

Yaniv brought the whistle to his lips and blew it two times fast.

"BEGIN!"

Edie led the pack as the women started to do their warm-up laps around the soccer field.

"Left! Left! Left right left!" Edie chanted, and the women responded with the same.

Yaniv stood straight with his arms crossed, waiting for them to return. When he glanced at Juanita, he smiled and waved. She stared back at him with a very curiously frightened expression.

* * *

After a very intense hour of running, squatting, crunching, lunging, punching and kicking, class was dismissed. Edie was stretching her delightfully tired muscles when Yaniv came over to her.

"You worked very hard today, Edie." said Yaniv. He raised an eyebrow and let the corners of his mouth turn up. "Were you trying to impress me?"

"That depends." said Edie, smiling even as she was still catching her breath. "Were you impressed?"

Juanita waddled over to them, squinting against the bright sun. "You looked great, Edie!" she said.

"Thanks, kid." said Edie as she straightened and stretched her arms. "What did you think of the class?"

Juanita shielded her eyes so she could look up at Yaniv. She looked back at Edie and shrugged.

"I don't know," said Juanita. "It looked really hard. That one lady almost puked!"

"So did your mom, when she first started." Edie told her. "But once you do it a couple times, you get used to it."

_You get used to almost puking? _thought Juanita, shuddering a little. But she didn't want to let on that she was scared. She wanted to impress her new friends.

"I guess I could try it..."

"She's in!" said Edie without hesitation.

"Great." said Yaniv. "I'll see you tomorrow, Juanita Solis. Don't be late." Yaniv turned to Edie. "I'll have a t-shirt for her in the morning."

"Extra large." Edie whispered, not quite mouthing the words.

Juanita sighed. "I'm standing right here." she reminded Edie.

"I know, sweetie." said Edie, patting her on the shoulder. "It's kind of hard to miss ya."

* * *

**NOT UNATTAINABLE**

The next day, Edie let Juanita pick the music for the car ride, and they both sang along to hits of the 80's on their way to Yaniv's Extreme Outdoor Boot Camp. Edie was glad to see Juanita was in a good mood, knowing that she would accomplish more with a positive attitude. Riding in Edie's convertible, Juanita felt so cool. It wasn't until they neared the soccer field that Juanita grew quiet.

"Edie?" Juanita said as Edie turned off the car.

"What's up?" asked Edie, turning to her little...er, to her friend. "Did you forget your cap?"

"No, it's right here." Juanita opened her pink mini-backpack and pulled out her army style hat. She stared down at it, playing with the bill. "It's just...I'm scared."

"Of what?" Edie asked.

"Well, I've never really exercised before, and...I don't know, they might laugh at me. Like the kids at school."

Edie nodded. "Three things, Juanita. One: they're not going to laugh at you. They're all in the same boat, just trying to make themselves better. Two: if they _do _laugh at you, I will kick each and every one of their asses while the rest of them watch."

Juanita grinned when she heard Edie's promise, especially since it was a promise of violence.

"And three, even if they did laugh at you, which they won't, what do you care? You are Juanita Solis, dammit! And you are fabulous! Repeat that!"

"I'm Juanita Solis, and I'm fabulous!" Juanita said aloud, throwing her hands in the air with extra flourish. Edie was right. Who cared what the other women thought?

* * *

The women all gathered like the previous day, but Yaniv took Edie and Juanita aside, with a different program in mind.

"What are you goals?" Yaniv asked Juanita point blank.

"Uhh..." Juanita made a sound, stalling, not sure what to say.

"Don't you want to look like me?" Edie prompted her.

"Yeah!" Juanita replied enthusiastically.

"Well, you can't." Yaniv replied harshly, putting a frown on Juanita's face. "Edie's body is an anomaly, perfect and unattainable. Your goal should be Linda."

Yaniv pointed to Linda. She was thick and curvy, her stretch pants covering an ample bottom. Juanita looked her over, and decided that she was pretty enough.

"Okay." said Juanita with a shrug and a nod.

"How much do you weigh?" asked Yaniv.

"Um...too much?" Juanita guessed.

Yaniv nodded. "You are smart. I like that. Are you ready to work for Yaniv?"

"What exactly do you mean by...'work'?" Juanita said, still a little confused. She couldn't possibly be expected to do what those women had been doing.

"I told her we'd be starting out a bit easier than the normal workout..." Edie told him discreetly.

"Of course." Yaniv agreed. "This is a new workout, not a suicide bombing!" Yaniv laughed at his own joke. Edie chuckled along politely, and Juanita just stared up at him, her mouth slightly open.

Yaniv cleared his throat. "Alright, let's get started. Edie - I would be honored if you would lead today's class."

"Me?" Edie asked, just to make sure she'd heard him right. "Really?"

"THAT'S AN ORDER!" He shouted suddenly. Edie snapped to attention.

"YES SIR!" she yelled back. Then she turned and jogged to the rest of the women, leaving Juanita in his capable hands. Juanita watched her Barbie leave, and then turned back to look up at Yaniv.

His expression had softened again, and he looked down at her with a smile.

"Warm up!" he said pleasantly, putting his hands on his hips. "We will start with squats. One, down, two, up, one, down, two, up..."

Juanita quickly put her hands on her hips and followed his movements.

"Now jog in place, jog in place..."

* * *

"OHHH," Edie moaned, bent over with her hands on her knees. The workout was a little harder when you had to keep shouting commands. "Good work today, ladies."

"Gee, thanks." said Linda, giving Edie a less than friendly look on her way to the parking lot. Many women joined the class, and only a few of them stuck around. Each of the women that remained had their reasons for being there, the main one being Yaniv himself. None of them had signed up to have this blonde slut lead them around for an hour.

Edie straightened and held her head high. "Have a nice day!" she sang to her departing classmate. "...bitch." she added quietly. Screw them if they didn't like their subsitute teacher. Juanita needed Yaniv now.

Edie found them finishing up their own toned down work out on the other side of the field. Juanita was sweating buckets and breathing hard, but she seemed to be in a good mood as Edie approached them.

"How'd it go?" Edie asked her. Juanita grinned, and put her hand up for a high five since she was too winded to speak. Edie laughed, high fiving her.

* * *

When they were done with their stretches, Yaniv congratulated Juanita on her hard work, and told her she was welcome at the boot camp any time.

"Thanks, Mr. Yaniv. Can I get a drink of water now?" Juanita asked.

"Of course." said Yaniv, smiling at his new recruit. He and Edie watched as Juanita jogged across the field toward the drinking fountains.

"Look at her go." Edie said, amazed. "Two days ago the bogeyman was a treadmill and a water bottle, and now she's actually running on her own time, without being told."

"I think she was inspired." Yaniv said. "By a very respected friend." He snuck a glance in Edie's direction, and caught the corners of her mouth turning up in a modest smile. They both faced forward again, watching Juanita in silence, until Edie glanced at Yaniv, a sly smile on her lips.

"So you really think I'm perfect and unattainable?"

Yaniv turned slowly and looked her body up and down without shame. He was a fitness instructor, so he was able to study her over without it being creepy. Edie would have enjoyed the feeling either way.

"I see no flaws." said Yaniv.

"Well, I won't argue with the 'perfect.'" said Edie. "But...this body is _not _unattainable."

The corner's of Yaniv's mouth turned up, and he clasped his hands behind his back. She was talking about a very specific type of workout.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" he asked, sounding business-like even when he was asking her on a date. Edie shrugged one shoulder.

"I'd rather have something else with you, right now. If you know what I mean."

"I am fairly certain I do..."

* * *

"Daddy!" Juanita called out when she saw her father's car pull into the parking lot. He waved, a proud smile on his face as he got out, and to Juanita's surprise, Gabrielle stepped out of the passenger seat. She ran up to both of them, showing off her new uniform and the fact that she'd endured a crazy workout and hadn't complained _once_.

"Sweetie, we are so proud of you." Gabrielle said. "And we are so glad you enjoyed today."

"Really?" said Juanita, grinning and standing straight with pride.

"Yes, really." Carlos said, still beaming. "Where's Edie?" he asked, looking around the park for her. She and Yaniv were power walking to her convertible, and they seemed to be in a big hurry.

"Edie!" Carlos shouted, smiling and waving, expecting her to come over to them.

"Hi Carlos, hi Gabby!" Edie shouted from across the way. She and Yaniv got into her car, and her tires squealed as she pulled out of her parking space. "I'd love to stay and chat, but you know how it is! Laterrrr!" she yelled as her car rushed by. The Solis' clothes ruffled in its wake, and Gabrielle coughed as a bit of dust went up her nose.

"I think they like each other." Juanita said with an impish grin.

"Well," Gabrielle said, in a high pitch with just a hint of bitterness. "I hope so!"

* * *

And so, that was how Juanita Solis lost a little bit of weight, but more importantly, gained a whole lot of confidence.

The End!


End file.
